


for the both of us, until you can

by ariatl



Series: my only reason [1]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, ill be honest not im not entirely sure how to tag this, jaal is extremely sweet and helping her find her confidence again I Guess, kylie and jaal read akksul's email together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-10-30 13:05:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10877382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariatl/pseuds/ariatl





	1. Chapter 1

Kylie plopped down on her bed, falling back into her pile of perfectly arranged pillows as she lifted her wrist and opened her emails on her omnitool. "Long ass day," She sighed to herself, long and drawn out as she let every muscle in her body relax, idly stretching out her limbs with a few audible pops and cracks.

 _"It has been a 'long ass day' for you, indeed, Pathfinder."_  
  
"Are you sassing me, Sam?" She laughed, glancing over at Sam on her desk. She didn't have to look at his little hologram, but it felt more natural than tilting her head and staring up at the sky as if praying to a god. She rolled her eyes. _Whatever._  "Uh, forget it. You can power down for the night if you want to, Sam."  
  
_"I cannot 'power down', but I will go into sleep mode for the time being. Goodnight, Kylie."_  
  
"Night, Sassmaster." Kylie hummed with a smile, returning her eyes to her wrist, the orange-hued screen flickering at her, along with the long list of emails. Again. _Sigh._  
  
"Archive, archive, archive," She murmured as she tapped each email with her index finger, dragging them to the metaphorical trashcan on her inbox, light eyes heavily-lidded. Her blood froze cold and her eyes shot wide open as her finger ghosted over the title of one, _No Subject._ A shiver ran down her spine as she opened it, gasping when she saw the sender.  
  
"Jaal?" Kylie started, uncertain and nervous, into their private comm channel, brows furrowed and voice heavy with worry.  
  
_"Yes, my dearest?"_  
  
She absentmindedly smiled at the nickname, still not entirely used to them, then sighed, forcing herself back to the subject on hand. "I..." A pause, unsteadily grasping at how she should handle this. "Got an email from Akksul."  
  
The comm line dropped suddenly, Kylie shooting straight up from the pillows. "Jaal?" She swung her legs over the side of her bed, about to stand up. "You there?"  
  
The doors to her quarters all but slammed open as Jaal rushed in, body stiff and angry, hands balled into fists at his sides. "I _swear_ to the skies above, if that _monster_ has threatened you _again_ , I will bring his death myself!" He cursed, hot and heavy and ready to go, but sat down with such a gentleness beside her, so careful not to move her despite his anger, that her heart skipped a beat. _This guy can't be real._  
  
"Hey, big guy," Kylie snaked her hand up his wide back, passing under his rofjnn to rub a soft circle into his back. "I haven't even opened it yet, 'cause I wanted to read it with you. Chill for a second, babe."  
  
He grumbled, wrapping his arm around her waist and tugging her into a tight hug. "I do not believe I can, _'chill for the second',_ " she felt the air quotes against her back, "Considering that all of this happening with Akksul is still... Happening."  
  
She hugged him tight, arms around his neck, him sighing as he burrowed his head into her shoulder and relaxed into her touch. "I do not want him hurting you, love. It would kill me as surely as a kett's bullet would." His words were muffled against her skin, and she felt a flush rush to her cheeks, the biggest smile on her face.  
  
"Well, then, let's get to reading the email and see if we need to kick his ass again, then."  
  
Jaal sighed, basking in her touch for a few moments longer, then hummed in agreement. He pulled away from her, unwillingly, and leaned back on his hands. "Pull it up."  
  
"Mmkay," Kylie brought her omnitool back up, tapping and searching until it popped up on the screen.

> _Human,_  
>    
>  _"To hate blindly is as dangerous as to trust blindly." An old angaran proverb, one of many I have forgotten somewhere along the way._  
>    
>  _This is not an apology. I don't know if I will ever be able to look upon an alien and not feel hatred, but what I did to Jaal was wrong. So I must try._  
>    
>  _Akksul_

"He... Has had a change of heart?" Jaal was perplexed, his eyes wide. "That... That is not like him at all." He paused, a slow grin spreading across his face. "It appears that _you_ have changed him, Kylie." He poked a big finger into her stomach, his near-galaxy eyes nearly dancing with delight at the giggle that earned him.

"Me?" She laughed, out of breath, pushing his hand away before lacing her fingers with his. "Why me?"

"It is just as I predicted it back on Havarl, darling one." Jaal pulled her into his lap, her legs straddling him, a big hand skimming up her back. " _You_ are bringing the change needed in Heleus, my love."

"Oh," Kylie smiled breathlessly, biting her bottom lip, hands resting on his big shoulders. "Can I be cheesey for a minute?"

His brows furrowed. "Can you be _what?_ "

Kylie bit back a laugh, cheeky grin and all. "Jaal..."

"Hmph, _idiom_." He grumbled, flustered. "Yes, you can be... _'Che-esey'_ for a minute, or as long as you desire. I do not mind."

She reached up to cradle his jaw in her hands, thumbs skimming over his cheeks. "If it weren't for you waltzing your way onto my ship, I don't think I'd have lasted this long."

Jaal hummed, eyes fluttering shut at the sensation, a near-purr rumbling in his chest. "Nonsense," his hands gripped her hips, gently hiking her up _just_ a hair higher, "You are a strong woman, my darling one. Without a doubt, you would have lasted just as long, and continued to go on, with or without me."

Kylie sighed deeply, eyes falling shut, leaning down to press her forehead to his. "I wish I was as strong as you believe me to be." Her words were the ghost of a whisper, not really intending for him to hear them, but his sharp, soft gasp let her know he had.

His hands reached up and grasped her wrists, gentle, just like everything he does to her, and he laced his fingers with hers. Her eyes cracked open just enough to look at his face, and the look he was giving her _hurt_.

Beautiful, speckled eyes akin to a galaxy with pupils so wide the color was barely visible, adoration so obvious, his expression so soft and loving and just... Her heart just _hurt_.

"Darling one," He started so softly, releasing her hands to trail his along her sides, his bioelectricity ghosting across her skin, goosebumps following in it's wake. "You are wonderful, amazing, beautiful," his voice trembled, emotion dancing through it as he spoke, "It has been a gift to know you, and even more of a gift to be in your life."

His hands met her jaw, gently cradling it, her eyes fluttering shut as she leaned into his touch. "If you cannot believe that, then I will believe enough for the both of us, so that one day, you will see what has always been there."

"I really don't deserve you." Her voice broke, tears dancing in the corners of her eyes, leaning in to capture his lips in a sweet, loving, and achingly soft kiss.

"Yes, you do, and _more_."


	2. Chapter 2

Sniffles softly escaped her through her splayed hands covering her face, her breathing harsh and uneven and punctuated by quiet gasps. Hot, bitter tears wet them, her chest softly heaving as muffled, gentle sobs ripped through her body. Her eyes squeezed shut as she tried her best to stay quiet – She couldn’t bear the thought of waking him up because she’s such a _fucking_ burden that she can't fucking even –

The softest shuffle beside her followed by a loud snort that choked into a quiet gasp nearly broke her even more, wide arms encircling her body and warm hands gently grasping her wrists. “My love?” His sleep-wrecked voice sent a shiver right up her spine and her heart skipped, her body curling forward as the thought of him rushed through her mind and she _lost_ it.

"What's wrong? Did you have another bad dream?" She didn't deserve his sweet voice. His body followed after hers as she fervently shook her head, his broad chest pressed to her back, and his chin lightly nuzzled the nook of her shoulder as his legs straddled her. A soft surge of his bioelectricity sent goosebumps across her arms and she turned her head away from him, a gross noise sounding in her throat as her body trembled and she sobbed, words broken and soft, repeating. “’m sorry – I’m sorry.”

“Do not ever feel sorry for how you feel, my love.” Jaal wrapped his arms entirely around her small waist and enveloped her body in his warmth, his chin pressing down and pushing her shoulders back against him. His brows furrowed as he shook his head, pressing a kiss to the bare, umber skin there. " _Never_ feel sorry for your emotions." A gasp escaped her as she swallowed down another sob, a sniffle following after it. “There is a reason why we have them, you know.”

“I feel so, _so_  fucking stupid,” her hoarse voice cracked and stuttered to an abrupt stop, hands tensing over her face before they fell and landed in her lap with a dull thud. She tilted her head down, her bloodshot, icy eyes all too tired and heavy. “I feel like... I’m - I'm such a fucking burden to everyone, Jaal – Nobody likes me or even wants me here.” Her voice fell so soft, so quiet, vulnerability eating her alive. “I should’ve died back on Habitat Seven.”

"That's not true and you know it," his brows furrowed and she scoffed, the noise sad and harsh. Her shoulders tensed and he hugged her tighter, hands balling into fists as her chest heaved. "If you had died back on Habitat Seven -"

"Yes, it is!" Sadness melted away to anger, a shuddering breath escaping her as hands balled tighter into fists and her nails dug further and further into her skin, breaking the barrier and drawing blood. “Like, are you kidding me?! Addison told me _to my face_ yesterday that I should’ve died, not Alec. That I can't be this amazing person that he's always been, that I can't 'handle' the bullshit of this vague responsibility he has to deal with because I'm not - I'm not -”

“I’m – I-I'm -“ Her voice broke and her face contorted in grief. Hands laid over his as she curled forward and a harsh, broken sob ripped through her, her throat burning as tears rolled down her cheeks and blurred her vision. "I-I'm so..." A soft, hoarse voice broke, mangled by harsh tears as her nails dug into his hands. “Everyone hates me.”

“I do not hate you, my love. And I never will, no matter what happens.” Disbelief gave way to wonder in his soft voice, her icy eyes squeezing shut and her lips pressing together. “I love you, more than words could ever begin to say. You are _never_ a burden and you never will be – Saying that everyone hates you is simply not true, not at all."

Another sob, harsher than the one before, hit her hard, her throat burning and nostrils flaring as she fought to keep herself even just barely composed. "My family - _Our_ family loves you, talshae. Our Tempest family, our friends scattered throughout this vast galaxy that _you_ have saved, loves you." A pause completely shattered her, his voice laced with nothing but adoration and awe for her as his bioelectricity sparked and sent her right over the edge. " _I_ love you.”

"I will tell you that I love you," he gently guided her back, hands grasping hers as she leaned against his chest and stared up at him with eyes so sad, he started to tear up. His heart hurt, heavy and full. She swallowed down the knot in her throat, tears pricking the corners of her eyes as he brought her hands up to his face to cradle his jaw. “As many times as it takes to mend your heart.”

“I love you,” the first time he said it, he brought her hands to his lips and kissed her wrists, one after another over her faded, jagged scars perfectly aligned. The memory danced through her mind and her throat felt full, sad eyes desperately blinking tears away. “I love you,” the second time, they trailed down her arms, over her tattoos and faded track marks, one after the other until he reached the end, just before her shoulder.

“For every bruise that you have suffered,” hands gently laid hers back down and he shifted around, carefully guiding her body to turn and face his as he pulled her onto his lap. He was as gentle as possible, feather-light touches and careful grasps until she was comfortable, her chest almost heaving as she nearly lost herself. “I’ll repeat it again and again.”

"I love _you_." Warm hands cradled her jaw, his thumb ghosting over the faded, gnarled scar from under her eye and across her nose. It's faded over the years, but it's still there - Always a reminder of what she'd put up with in the false name of love. Something that's always hurt her - A soft flicker of the thought, the turian’s talon ripping across her face, young and heartbroken, broke his own heart as he leaned forward and kissed a trail across the mangled, three-lined scar. Her jaw tensed, lips trembling. “I love you.”

Words left her as he continued, his deep voice overflowing with love. "I love you," bright, pupil-blown eyes beaming with adoration met hers and she shivered, feeling all too much. He leaned forward as her face slightly contorted in grief, gently pulling her into the softest, sweetest kiss. He kissed her again and again until her lips quivered against his and he let out the softest breath, pulling just the slightest bit away. Her tears stained his cheeks and he gently swept under her eyes. “And I will do this until all of your insecurities wash away, or lose out to happiness.”

Her voice broke and her eyes fell shut as her hands laid over his, their foreheads touching. “I love you.”


End file.
